My friend was recently filling out a job application that asked him which saved by the bell character he most identified with (that place of work sounds awesome). He asked me for help with it, so naturally I gave him a bunch of half-assed sarcastic responses because i am a good friend. What follows is some of the responses I gave him:
Zack morris because you have life sized cardboard cutout of the girl you want and its not creepy
Screech because you have jungle fever
Jessie spano because you were momentarily addicted to caffeine pills
Ac slater because you had a pet lizard that meant waaaaayyyyyy too much to you
Jessie spano because your ancestors were slave owners
Ac slater because you still wear double pleated jeans with a tanktop
Zack morris because you used a teen help hotline to pickup girls
Screech because you built a waaaaayyyy too advanced robot by yourself
Lisa turtle because you once won a dance competition with a broken ankle
Zack morris because you once used subliminal messaging to get girls to give up dat ass
Kelly kaPOWski because you were a waitress and fell in love with your d-bag boss
Zack morris because you delivered the principals baby in an elevator right after an earthquake
Screech because your father has never been seen (this one felt very mean even though its not true)
And finally…
Zack morris because you frequently freeze time and play with others genitals
ITS GOOD TO BE BACK TUMBLR*
*meh. this will probably be the last post for a while
Our favorite actor/writer/rapper has been nominated at this 2012 Comedy Awards for Breakout Performer of the Year, along with the likes of Zooey Deschanel, Josh Gad, Melissa McCarthy, and Jason Sudeikis. The Comedy Awards are to be held on April 28, and will air May 6th on Comedy Central.
- Singer and actress Zooey Deschanel gained notoriety as the star of Fox’s quirky new comedy, New Girl, for which the actress garnered an Emmy nomination for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Comedy or Musical.
- Stage actor Josh Gad was nominated for Best Leading Actor in a Musical at the Tony Awards for his role as Elder Cunningham in The Book of Mormon.
- Melissa McCarthy became a household name this year as scene-stealer Megan in Bridesmaids, as well as for her work on CBS’s Mike & Molly. McCarthy won an Emmy for the latter, and was nominated for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role at last month’s Academy Awards.
- Jason Sudeikis has been in the spotlight for the last five years as a key contributor to some of SNL’s best sketches, but this year he took his work to the silver screen in comedies Hall Pass, A Good Old Fashioned Orgy, and Horrible Bosses.
- And, as you know, Donald Glover is nominated for being the absolute shit.
i hope to be this wasted all weekend at unofficial.
if one man could pull off ‘Breaking Bad’ chuck taylors, it is Walter White aka Bryan Cranston. i wish i was half as cool as Cranston.
I’m sorry you guys, but we have to have a serious talk. A serious talk about Paris Hilton, music, and hubris running unchecked for 31 years culminating in a musical catastrophe that somehow involves aforementioned Paris Hilton, techno music, spoken word, and me wanting to burn Los Angeles to the ground just so she can’t do this again. I’m of course talking about her music video, “Drunk Text.” Have you seen it? Go ahead, watch it. I’ll wait here.
[Waits patiently while you watch something that you’ll never be able to unwatch.]
Yeah, so…pretty terrible, right? I feel like she locked all of us in a phone booth together, then laid that phone booth down on its side, turned on some techno music, then squatted over the phone booth and shit all over us. That is how gross I feel right now. I’m not even sure that would be worse. Let’s break this thing down and see if I can understand what is going on here:
And so yeah. Here we are. The world feels a little different now, doesn’t it? Like someone just took all of the pictures of cats off the internet and now we are left to re-cat the whole thing. Pretty depressing really. I’m going to go drown myself in Reese’s peanut butter cup blizzards and try to forget this ever happened. Godspeed you guys.
